As I travel around the world, ticking off places on my bucket list, I have often wondered what it would take to improve my people skills. So I have been hunting and studying to find essential things that work for me. I share them here with you and hope you will find valuable. These are by no means exhaustive, but they will give you a glimpse into what to do if you have a challenge here.
1. Learn to have productive conversations. Comfortable people skills open the door for relaxed conversation, no matter where you are in the world. Creating rapport between people is built through dialogue. Initially, an exchange may be difficult to start. Especially if you don’t speak the language, be open to conversations that you are unprepared for. Focus on the interests of the other person rather than your own. And look for opportunities to ask non-threatening questions.”
It may seem awkward at first, but it sets the stage for a respectful exchange. You make good decisions when you ask the right questions.
And don’t let anxiety or tension stand in your way. It’s normal to be nervous when interacting with people for the first time. Most people mistakenly dwell on discomfort, failing to realise that the other person is anxious as well. So please take it as a given and use small talk (the weather, the economy, sports) as a bridge to relaxed and comfortable rapport.
2. Read body language. Learned how to get a reading on people based upon their facial expressions, gestures, posture and eye contact. Once you read the body signals in others, you begin to understand them better. A relaxed expression and constant eye contact communicate a sense of self-confidence and poise that relax the person you’re dealing with, making it easier to sell a product, rally support, or just making small talk. I found taking the colour test very interesting if you would like to take the test go to marcassetta.com and take the personality test. It is free and very, very insightful.
3. Seek feedback and criticism. It takes time and hard work to build strong people skills. Learning can only take place if you’re always seeking feedback and developmental criticism. Open yourself up to the notion of lifelong learning and improving yourself a small step at a time. As Darren Hardy says “better every day” It is the compound effect. You can also get the book by the same title. The concept is basically to say that smaller steps over a long period will have a more significant, beneficial and successful effect on your life than bigger steps in a shorter period of time (that most people will not stick to).
4. Master listening. Masterful communicators have learned that building a comfortable rapport is finding the divine balance between speaking and listening. Most people are too intent on speaking. They don’t realise that the only way to get an accurate reading on another person is to listen to what they have to say. It sounds obvious. But listening often involves learning how to be silent and waiting for the other person to express their viewpoint. Silence usually opens the door to an active, fruitful conversation. In time, you’ll learn to be an empathetic listener.
As an empathetic listener, you are listening not just to be polite, but because of a genuine desire to understand the person you are speaking to. As soon as you sense an honest concern, the door opens to sharing information. It’s a simple concept that leads to winning trust, solving problems and mediating interpersonal conflicts and can be key to better relationship building.
To wrap up, if this is an area you wish to improve, then I suggest you get hold of How to Win Friends and Influence People” Dale Carnegie. An excellent book on interpersonal relationships with advice on how to communicate and how to behave with others.
See you on the beaches of the world.